feelings hidden in the dark
by fire chimeara
Summary: Ben wasn't sure about anything accept he knew who killed his mother. That's all he needed to know. But it never occurred to him that her killer might actually have feelings for Ben. One shot, Ben skywalker/Jacen solo, post legacy of the force: sacrifice, rated t to be safe


Ben was alone. Screw it, he was crying. His mother was dead, and only he knew who did it. That hearless jerk struck her down. That was the only explanation. And to think he cared! He loved him, damn it! Of course, he never would had told him that, but it didn't matter anymore. He felt hurt, betrayed.  
He was going to strangle him the next time he saw him. He was going to enjoy it, to. Why he hadn't left yet… it was a mystery to him. It's not like he supported the galactic alliance. He was only working for it to prove something… to himself? No, that wasn't it. He was degrading himself just by association. So why did he stay? There was other reasons, of course, but after a while, it just didn't make any sense to him.  
He looked to his lightsaber. One choice… it's all he would have to make. Kill Jacen, no doubt just inevitably prolonging this war, kill Luke and… what would he do then? Kill himself and he wouldn't have to be a part of this… or throw the damn glowstick out the window and have a regular life. His thoughts were broken by the door behind him opening and slamming shut again.  
He was pulled out of his thoughts by a familiar voice. "what are you doing here? I would have thought you would be with your father. I'm sorry about your mother. I really am." Ben turned around. Jacen had come in.  
"if you thought I was gone" Ben was at a loss for words. "if you thought I was gone, why are you here? That's a breach of personal security. I know how you like to treat soldiers well. It's not like you.  
"your not just a soldier Ben. Your my cousin. And I know you're upset." he sounded more pleasant than normal. Ben would never admit it to anyone, not even himself, but he enjoyed those few moments Jacen isn't completely cold and unforgiving, but he still finds him extremely hot either way. But he couldn't let himself be sidetracked. He was angry. He couldn't forget that.  
Ben pushed his positive feelings for the man back once again. "if I am family you should treat me with more trust. Not less. What are you trying to achieve." he tried to sound demanding, but on the inside he was screaming.  
Ben wasn't expecting a straight answer. There never was one with Jacen. He was always playing mind games. "I wanted… blackmail. Of sorts… I'm not going to mess around with that." it was the first thing Jacen had said that made sense to Ben in a long time. "I want you to stay with me." he looks around the room, before returning his gaze to Ben. "whatever that takes. I'm going to need you in the weeks to come."  
Jacen took a step towards Ben, Ben stepping back the same amount. "you're insane if you think I would stay loyal after what you did…"  
"what I did?" Jacen asked somewhat innocently. It made Ben want to punch him in the face. Jacen saw Bens fury. He knew at that moment that Ben knew more than he should. "you don't WANT TO KNOW what I did!" Ben scoffed. "oh I know exactly what you did, you unreasonable, SHAMEFUL, SON OF A-"  
Jacen punched Ben. In the face. As hard as he could, which is pretty hard. "I should kill you. I should kill you right here and right now." Ben looked up from where he had fallen, to see Jacen standing over him, the psychotic rage all too apparent. "BUT I WON'T. YOU KNOW WHY?! BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!"  
Ben wasn't sure wether to be shocked and horrified or grateful he wasn't going to be killed. Jacen, on the other hand, wasn't planning on saying what he just had. He kicked Ben. "w-what?" Ben whimpered, his anger fading slightly, partially replaced with pain."what did you just say? You… love me?" he was more dumbfounded then upset at the moment. For the time he had known Jacen it had never occurred to him that he had feelings too. He felt almost selfish in a sense.  
"go." Jacen instructed. "go NOW. GET OUT!" Ben wasn't sure if he should or not. He hated to admit it, but he wanted to stay with Jacen. Deciding that was a terrible idea, he got up and slowly began to leave. Curious, he decided to listen through the door to see what Jacen did after he left. All he heard was sobbing. Ben easily figured out Jacen had wanted to keep his feelings secret. The worst part is Ben had been denying feeling the same way the whole time… the least he could do was say something.  
Ben opened the door again. Jacen stood up, he had been kneeling, and turned around towards Ben fast. Before he was able to yell again, Ben simply smiled and said "I love you too." he left again, this time leaving for good. He was never coming back. 


End file.
